In response to apparent demand, Transportation Services will begin selling a new parking pass that allows drivers to double-park, or take up two parking spaces with one vehicle.

The permit, which will be three times larger than the standard permit, will sport a houndstooth pattern and feature the letters “RTR” on the bottom half. The $700 permit can be used in any parking lot, including those assigned to residence halls.

“As the enrollment has grown, so too has the desire for a parking pass that gives drivers a little more peace of mind,” said Phil McWayne, a staffer in the department of Transportation Services. “The fact of the matter is many students drive cars that are simply too nice to risk getting dinged.”

Student reaction is predictably mixed.

“You see that truck over there?” Neal Hughes, a senior majoring in marketing, asked, gesturing toward a white Ford F-150. “That’s America’s best-selling truck. It’s not some trashy Chevrolet, okay? That baby gets dinged, gets scratched, you can’t just get parts for it from any old grease monkey. Will I be buying this new pass? Does Bear Bryant give me an erection?”

When asked to clarify, Hughes said, “Yes, on both accounts.”

Other students had concerns based on the reality that each commuter parking lot is already oversold, in some instances by more than 1000 permits.

“I’m sorry, but aren’t we already packed to the gills in these lots? This seems like it will only make matters worse,” said Michael Peterson, a senior majoring in management information systems. “How did a rational person decide this was a good idea? It’s hard enough finding a spot when everyone just takes one.”

“We came to the conclusion that this would not impact parking spot availability throughout the day,” McWayne said. “We conducted comprehensive research at 7 a.m., and concluded that most of the time, there are many spots available.

“No one comes to campus for anything other than class, and since no one has class over the course of an entire day, this seems perfectly reasonable.”

Asked if the funds from this new pass – the most expensive one available – would be put towards the creation of more parking, the spokesman said the department had other plans for the money.

“Mostly, the funds will be put towards the purchase of new orange vests. We’ve had some problems with our staff getting run over by some of the larger trucks, and it’s really taken a toll on our laundry bill.”