Four reasons why New England Patriots will win the SuperbowlBy Tony Tsoukalas | 01/31/2012 11:10pm
I make no apologies for being a New England sports fan. My dad grew up in Melrose, Mass., about seven miles north of Boston, and though I am from Houston, Texas, my dad ensured that I would grow up a fan of all the Boston teams. With all that being said, the editors of The Crimson White have allowed me to write a column on the Super Bowl. Giants fans, if you feel slighted, you can’t spell slighted without “ELI.”
Below are four reasons the Patriots will defeat the Giants and come away with the title.
The Tyree catch:
Every New England sports fan has had to agonize over the dumb luck that was the David Tyree helmet catch in Super Bowl XLII. Other than Aaron Boone’s home run in the 2003 American League Championship Series, there is not a single play in sports history that causes my skin to crawl as much as that one. It is not so much the nature of the play that infuriates me but rather what that play ruined. It gave the Manning brothers two straight Super Bowls, ruined Tom Brady’s perfect record in the Super Bowl, ruined the best season of all time and ruined my senior year of high school. Yes, the Giants are hot right now, but make no mistake; every Patriots fan was rooting for another shot at Eli. The Giants might have ended my senior year of high school on a sour note, but Brady and the gang will make it up to me this senior year.
The sports drought in New England:
It has been more than seven months since a New England-area sports team has won a championship. Even more heinous, it has been seven years since the Patriots have won a Super Bowl. Since 2001, there have been seven titles won by Boston’s four biggest sports teams – the Bruins, Celtics, Red Sox and Patriots. Of those teams, the Patriots have the longest drought, not winning since February of 2005. It is about time for the Patriots to get their act together and get on par with the rest of Boston’s best.
Ok, so you can’t spell elite without “ELI.” Well here is a list of other words you can’t spell without those letters: elimination, feline, delicate, belittle and the list only continues. But, the number one reason why Eli won’t win is because he is not even the best Manning in the game. As much as it pains me to give Peyton Manning any praise, he is head and shoulders above Eli. With Peyton potentially retiring after this season, there is no way the football gods will allow Eli to finish his career with more rings than his older brother.
I’ll be the first to admit, Tom has changed a lot from his 2001 underdog, golden-boy image. Instead of dating actress Bridget Moynahan, he is now married to model Gisele Bundchen. He is a goat-cuddling, Beiber-hair wearing, UGGs-for-men endorsing sellout. In fact, Brady goes against just about everything New England fans stand for in sports.
That being said, he is our sellout and a cool one at that. Who wouldn’t want to be Brady? The guy has everything. He is the best quarterback ever, is married to a supermodel and is constantly on GQ’s sexiest men alive; every guy wants to be him, and every girl wants to date him. Even Mattel’s Barbie split off her 43-year companionship with Ken after she saw Brady win his second ring in 2004. It wasn’t until two years into Brady’s marriage that Barbie came to terms with the fact Tom was unavailable and took Ken back. Some say Denver quarterback Tim Tebow is touched by God. Ok, well, Brady is touched by Victoria Secret model Gisele. Point made, Tom Brady is the coolest man alive, and there is no way he loses to Eli twice.
Final score: Patriots 31 Giants 20
Rest easy New England. In the Father, the Son and Tom Brady. Amen.