Dire predictions for 2009

We’ve done a number of “9 for ‘09” stories lately, and I’m going to shamelessly use that same format this week. Maybe it’s a bit tired, but I’m frankly too busy to do something else, so you’ll just have to deal. Anyway, these are my various and sundry predictions and projections for 2009.

1) The economy. Stop deluding yourselves. It will not get any better, and that’s assuming it won’t get any worse. There is a great deal of instability in the world right now, and with Russia closing off natural gas supplies to Europe energy costs are likely to continue to rocket upwards. You know, kind of like the opposite of what the stock markets are doing.

2) Barack Obama. His first year begins in just a few days, and already I can’t stand him. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t stand him during the election, either, but now we’re starting to see visible evidence of his ineptitudes as he reveals his tax plan (which many Democrats in the Senate oppose) and his cabinet positions, offering the Surgeon General’s job to a glorified TV doctor from CNN of all places.

3) Gas prices. Enjoy them while they stay this low, because it won’t be lasting long. Seriously, fill up every time you leave campus, because before too long OPEC is going to realize that they can gouge us for $4 a gallon again soon. All they have to do is reduce production, and suddenly I’m back to paying $45 to fill up my Ford Focus.

4) Russia. We’ve arrived. Now that Russia is just about done backsliding as far as they can without resurrecting Stalin, they’ve decided to engage in aggression of the sort the world hasn’t seen from a major power since the Vietnam War. Just look at this summer’s invasion of Georgia (that’s the one on the Black Sea) and Dmitriy Medvedev’s willingness to carry out the will of Stal— I mean Putin.

5) The Middle East. All of you can keep on wishing for “peace in the Middle East” all you want, but I have news for you — it isn’t going to happen in 2009, 2010, or ever, but I digress … War has been waged in that part of the world since before the Crusades, though modern problems can be largely traced back to the Christian Crusades during the middle ages. Chalk another one up for Christian wisdom, I guess …

6) The State of American Celebrity Politics. It’s a sad one, too. After the election of popular celebrity candidates like Barack Obama and Al Franken, my hopes couldn’t be lower for government. Something is wrong, and my bet is that it’s the common person’s obsession with sounding smarter than they actually are. Celebrities don’t belong in political office, (with a few exceptions like Ronald Regan and Arnold Schwarzenegger) so why is it that some people just can’t wait to vote the bungling excuses for politicians into office?

7) The State of Americans. In my political science class on public opinion yesterday, we discussed the fact that people lie in surveys to make themselves look better than they actually are. The unwashed electorate also frequently answers questions about candidates they don’t even know and give opinions on fictitious laws. Meanwhile, Jon Stewart and Comedy Central see high ratings as people turn to comedians for their news. I guess electing Franken wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Oh, wait…

8) Corruption. How pleasant, right? Rod Blagojevich’s attempt to sell Obama’s vacated Senate seat is a classic move. Typical Democratic behavior, to be sure, but it does call into question Obama’s involvement.

9) Alabama Football. At least everything won’t be well on its way to Hell in the proverbial hand basket. We do have next year’s team to look forward to. With a bit of luck, we can reasonably hope for the same degree of success that we saw this year, perhaps with a better performance in a bowl game, you know, but Dave has more on that this week.

All in all, I don’t have high hopes and expectations for 2009. I could be as wrong about all this as everyone else who has thrown in his own two cents, but I doubt it. Maybe that’s just the bravado it takes to be a columnist talking, but at least I’m not setting myself (or you, for that matter) up for disappointment. Call me what you please, but mark my words, I’m probably more correct than my optimistic friends.

Paul Thompson is the Opinions Editor of The Crimson White. His column runs on Fridays.