Love thy fridge and thy neighborBy Hank Wolverton | 03/23/2017 9:58pm
A person can really take technology for granted until they lose access to said technology. Take a fridge for instance. No one ever thinks about their fridge until one day it randomly just decides to crap out on you and destroy your hopes and dreams of eating a healthy and well balanced diet. Then you physically hurt as you throw away condiments you didn’t even know existed but you know you’ll never have a chance to taste. You cry as you throw away jars of olives even though you hate olives, but you’re crying anyway because olives are commonly called the most emotional vegetable. Or fruit. No even knows what an olive is, they just know they’re salty.
I say this because at the same time that my fridge was dead, my laptop happened to break as well. Another item we take for granted, just the access to typing things on a computer. Yes, we have libraries on campus and we have smart phones that can do just about everything, except it sure is inconvenient to have to walk 20 minutes to campus just to write a paper that could be finished in a half hour.
My thesis, the moral of this story, technology sucks. That’s not true, I love technology, and I’m mainly writing about this because I haven’t been able to think of much else. As I sat in my condo patiently staring at the fridge and mentally trying to reconfigure its broken circuitry, I could hear my stomach rumble and my body go weak. My brain cells started to evaporate as the only thing that could be heard was the clamoring coming from my tum tum to just be fed. Sure, I could have easily given it to its cries but I wanted to make myself suffer because that’s probably some Buddhist technique that they recommend to reach enlightenment.
The one perk, culturally and adventure-ly, and not so much economically is forcing yourself to explore more of Tuscaloosa in order to not starve to death. That sure people might know of the Mugshots and the bars and the Chipotles, and not the rest of the interesting cuisine that inhabits the area. We have like seven different taco places and I’m not even including Taco Bell in that. There’s a hoity-toity coffee shop that isn’t actually a Starbucks and sells delicious scones and drinks that are enticing mainly due to them having the name Bama in the title which tricks you once you realize the “coffee” is just them injecting pure sugar and caffeine into your bloodstream.
I ate from a place called Animal Butter – it’s new and probably people won’t even go there because you’re thinking that you’re just eating the curdled mess of animal parts. It’s tasty, it’s local, and it has wine on tap! I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I can think of Tuscaloosa as a town without much variety, which thrives on chains and establishments that are understood as being unoriginal and ubiquitous. Instead there are independent things that are actually crafting new ideas and giving you a more memorable experience than just barren atmosphere.
Of course, one would hope that they'd be able to experience these new locales without having to deal with the pure punishment of washing your fridge die before your eyes, but if I got to take one for the team then what can do you? I am willing to suffer my stomach’s permanent health for the good of humanity, even though I could just blame myself for not wanting to live out of cooler and instead practicing Buddhist principles of suffering that I made up and could be deemed culturally insensitive.
The point I’m trying to make is hug your fridge before you go to bed tonight and tell it that you love it and maybe give your laptop a little kiss and say “I’m grateful for you being in my life.” Also a fair warning would be to avoid corgis because they have a habit of being evil and attempting to destroy everything you love. That advice doesn’t correlate as well with the previous information but it’s good to know nonetheless.