GAMEDAY: CokerDeepBall: The important things in lifeBy Terrin Waack | 11/19/2015 2:20pm
“Once upon a time, those things took off into the great night just like a CokerDeepBall.”
To that fan, the only thing in life that matters is Jake Coker’s ability to throw the deep ball, especially as Alabama’s quarterback. If there’s one man out there that fully appreciates Coker’s strength, it’s him, as he tries to enlighten the rest of the universe via an anonymous Twitter account, @CokerDeepBall.
“Once Jake came into my life, it changed everything,” CDB said.
Until this season, Coker’s arm strength was hidden in the shadows of Florida State University’s former quarterback Jameis Winston, followed by former Alabama quarterback Blake Sims.
Last year, CDB noticed that while Coker possessed the deep ball talent, Sims got the starting position. CDB blames – and hates – the liberal media for doing this and supporting any type of running plays or scoring on defense.
“It made coach [Nick] Saban, who’s a great American man, put Blake Sims in when he should have been playing Jake Coker based on the fact that he can throw the deep ball,” he said.
All CDB ever wants is for Coker to be in the position he deserves at starting quarterback, so when Cooper Bateman got the start over him against Ole Miss, he didn’t know how to react.
“I felt like my world was a lie,” he said.
It only added to his already bad day.
He left his house by 5:13 a.m. to make it to College Gameday, only to get kicked out because security deemed his poster inappropriate. It said, “Deep Balls Jake Coker” with a picture of the quarterback accompanied by explosions.
“I don’t know, you know with the liberal media, everybody is so offended all the time these days,” CDB said. “I just can’t deal with it.”
His day started taking a turn for the better when Coker was put in the game. It was as if all was right in the world again, especially when he threw his deep ball. CDB doesn’t even care that it was intercepted. All that matters is that Coker unleashed the deep ball. This late into the game, CDB hasn’t been too pleased with Alabama’s season.
There’s been all this talk about Alabama needing to run the dang ball – give it to running back Derrick Henry – in order to be successful. Henry’s totaled over 200 rushing yards in back-to-back games and that’s just selfish to CDB.
“What Derrick Henry should be doing, he’s so big he should be blocking for Jake so Jake can throw the ball really far,” CDB said. “That’s what’s most important.”
Coker’s cannon of an arm shouldn’t be used to just hand the ball off.
During Alabama’s 27-14 win against Arkansas, CDB saw something that made him super happy – an 81-yard touchdown pass to wide receiver Calvin Ridley. He was so happy Coker finally let that birdy fly. Nothing else was relevant up until that moment.
“Jake Coker looked into the night and said, ‘I’m going to throw this ball far,’ and Calvin finally decided to put aside his selfishness and accept the deep ball into his heart,” CDB said.
In doing so, he was rewarded with a clear path to the end zone.
Good things come to people who accept and appreciate the deep ball.
The man behind the computer screen refused to reveal his identity. He only will if Coker himself were to ask him to do so.
“Jake could open a hole in the space time continuum with his arm and suck me in there and I’d never exist, so I have to keep him happy,” CDB said.
The anonymity has allowed CDB to interact with fellow Alabama fans. He wants – no, he needs – them to appreciate the deep ball as much as he does. He’s also been able to interact with Alabama football beat reporters, such as Aaron Suttles with The Tuscaloosa News, who likes interacting with the account since he finds it funny.
“I have fun with it,” Suttles said. “It’s just a playful give and take.”
CDB appreciates the interaction. He’s had a mistrust with the media before but is starting to warm up to the football beat reporters. Although sometimes the reporters don’t appreciate the deep ball as much as he’d like, CDB understands they have bosses and have to keep their jobs by pushing liberal things.
Deep down, CDB knows that they know throwing the deep ball is the most important part of life.
With the friendly banter online, it means a lot to CDB that the reporters embraced him.
“It helps that they’ve given me a microphone, and around here we don’t drop microphones,” CDB said. “We let Jake throw them into the sun.”
But that doesn’t mean the people don’t want to know, that they don’t want CDB to reveal himself.
“Who is this guy?” Suttles said. “We need to know.”
It’s not going to happen anytime soon, Suttles. CDB’s dedication is too strong and he does what is best for the deep ball and the deep ball alone. In regards to CDB’s dedication, Suttles said to keep it up.
Maybe one day CDB’s dream will come true. Maybe one day, he’ll be able to meet Coker and be able to say thank you after shaking his left hand because he wouldn’t want to get crushed by that amazingly giant right arm. Maybe one day, everyone else will see why the deep ball is the most important thing in life like CDB does. Maybe one day, everyone else will realize Coker has the ability to defy gravity.
“Jake Coker, I kid you not, can throw a football facing the north side of Bryant-Denny Stadium and he can hit himself in the back of the head with it,” CDB said. “I promise you.”