Serving the campus of the University of Alabama since 1894

The Crimson White


Serving the campus of the University of Alabama since 1894

The Crimson White

Serving the campus of the University of Alabama since 1894

The Crimson White

UA changed me and I didn’t even know it

This is what I thought I knew four years ago: I would hate UA, but it would be better than not leaving my hometown. I would never willingly go to a football game. I would never know the answer to the often-asked (particularly because I had just come into my queerness), “Why would you go to school in Alabama of all places?” I would get my degree, leave and never look back.

There are some things I was right about, too: I would love sitting outside enjoying the beauty of our campus. I would remedy my one regret from high school and get involved in everything I possibly could. I would no longer be silent for other people’s comfort.

I still feel like I could have done more while I was here, but there’s only one thing I really wish I could go back and change. I spent so much time focusing on the fact that I never wanted to be here in the first place that I lost sight of all of the ways I was falling in love with UA. I spent so much time trying to change things (things that still desperately need to be changed, for the safety and well-being of all students) that I couldn’t see all of the things I would never give up. I spent so much time focusing on what I could do for UA that I couldn’t see all of the things UA was doing for me.

I am a very different person than when I came here. Yes, some of that simply has to do with getting older, but my experiences here have given me skills that I will take with me for the rest of my life. Some of these skills I wish I had never had to learn, like how to tell authority figures that they were pretending I did not actually exist because of my queer identity, or how to talk about the need for policies protecting marginalized communities in a way that emphasizes profitability (by keeping UA competitive with other universities, by increasing retention, etc.) rather than the well-being of members of our UA family.

More than these skills, I have gained self-confidence. I had barely come out to myself, let alone anyone else, the year before I came to UA. I spent a large portion of my first semester here crying and alone in my room. I knew absolutely no one except my randomly assigned roommates and one or two people I met at Bama Bound, and I was 20 hours away from home. I had spent so much of my life faking things that I didn’t even know anymore when I was being my authentic self. After getting involved on campus and getting lots of great advice from mentors and professors, I know exactly who I am. I may have no idea what I’m doing or where my life is heading, but I know that I can be myself while I figure it out.

This is what I know after four years at UA: I love this school, and Tuscaloosa feels more like my hometown than where I was raised. In a sense, I was born here, because this is where I figured out how to unapologetically be me. I still don’t understand football, but there’s nothing like standing in Bryant-Denny singing “Sweet Home Alabama” or cheering. I know exactly why I ended up here in Alabama. I needed to learn that change is a process. I needed to learn that effecting change will affect you. I will get my degree, and I will leave, but I will be proudly saying “Roll Tide!” wherever I go.

Kaylyn Johnson was the president of Spectrum.

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